A New Year, A New Beginning

Happy New Year, gang! Can you believe the year we just did?


Jax’s 2013 Highlights

Mom’s 2013 Highlights

I spent most of the year just trying to keep it together. I’m not going to lie – it was not an easy one for me. After spending the last part of 2012 living in a complete adrenaline rush of stress and terror, 2013 gave me time to begin processing what happened. I’ve come a long way with that.

At first, symptoms of PTSD threatened to take over as we approached Jax’s first surgery. And then PTSD reared it’s ugly head – hard – around his first birthday and when we went back to the “scene of the crime.” I don’t think I will ever be able to hear a helicopter without panicking.

Now, the feelings of fear have morphed into feelings of depression. I spent so long being afraid and literally fighting for Jax’s life, that now my brain is like WTF? It’s a lot to process. We’re constantly being told that Jax is at very high risk for issues later on down the road and that makes it hard to enjoy these good days. I’m trying to focus more on the “here and now” rather than worrying about what the future will bring. Next week, I’m going to start seeing a counselor. I think that will help.

I love being home to witness Jax’s milestones. I love helping him learn and grow. But it’s no secret that I’m not a big fan of being a stay-at-home mom. It’s hard work. It never ends. There is no such thing as evenings and weekend. I miss the challenge of a professional project. So, hopefully 2014 will bring a new job opportunity and a level of cognitive activity that I’ve been absolutely craving.

Each day we move farther away from our traumatic experience brings a new prospect for peace and healing. Sooner or later, when I think of Jax’s birth and time in the NICU, I will be able to say “wow – what a crazy story, huh?” Until then, I’ll keep writing. And I hope you’ll keep reading.

Last year, I posted my resolutions – I did pretty well! Here are my resolutions for this year…

2014 Resolutions

  • Keep writing / blogging; grow the blog to help more families.
  • Find ways to make money writing or blogging.
  • Get a part-time job.
  • Find more time for myself. Make taking care of ME a priority: exercise, friendships, meditation.
  • Figure out who I am again (besides being “Jax’s mom”).
  • Spend more quality time with my husband. Date night at least once a month.
  • Stay credit card debt free.
  • Run a 5K. (This has been on my list for the last 3 years! Is THIS the year it happens?!)
  • Add on to Jax’s garden: swing set, sandbox, and place to dig and learn, etc. (I started a Pinterest Board, if you want to see!)
  • Explore at least 10 Minnesota State Parks with Jax.

Starting this blog has been one of the best things I’ve ever done. It’s a relief when I press Publish and my thoughts and feelings are lifted up to the Universe (well, ok – the Internet) and I can let go and move forward. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being with us through the thick and thin. Thanks for sending encouragement in a “like” or a comment. Thanks for being part of our “family!”

What are your resolutions for the New Year?


winter beauty

Author: Andrea M

Oh man, what an adventure! I went into labor unexpectedly when I was 23w3d pregnant. Jaxson was born weighing 1 lb 8 oz. A tiny little peanut, but boy was he feisty. He still is! We love it now, but we probably won't when he is a teenager. I write about our journey and all other things that come with it, including a brain tumor. We look forward to "meeting" you - come hang out with us...we're pretty cool.

6 thoughts on “A New Year, A New Beginning”

  1. Sometimes when I read your inner musings and fears it’s like you are in my head! There is much to fear about the future but more to love about the present. Jax is absolutely thriving and it is in direct response to your dedication, love, and work as a family. I’ve only been out of work for six months and I feel the same angst your are experiencing. The PTSD is very real after a traumatic birth, NICU stay, transition home, etc. I have started seeing a therapist as well. I also love your resolutions. Keep on keeping on. Here’s to 2014!


    1. I always feel like other preemie mom’s just “get it,” you know? That’s why I am so glad that I met you! 🙂 How did you choose your therapist? Did you find someone who specialized in traumatic birth or special needs parenting?


  2. Happy New Year! I agree 2013 has been one heck of a year….im done with it too!!! I wish for you to continue to find some inner peace, to go with your amazing strength. I hope you get your date night, I get ” lets go get gas in the car together” dates. Its the little moments that count. :):)One of my resolutions every year is to find one thing to be thankful for….maybe this could be one you add? Your doing awesome! Faith, trust, pixie dust, and silver linings to you and your family.


    1. HaHa – “let’s go get gas in the car together” dates – that sounds about right! At least it’s something. Thanks for the reminder that it’s the little things that count. I like your resolution!


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