T’was the Night Before Two (Years Old)

Tomorrow, Jax turns two.

My sweet, funny, happy, and loving boy…I’m listening to him coo and cuddle with his stuffed animals as he snuggles into bed, getting comfy for the night.

Today, he learned to say “please” and “more” (in addition to the signs). Also this week: mango, good morning, ready-set-GO, swimming, Mia and Will (his cousins), and gramma.

I’m excited for his future.

And I’m also terrified.

If you’ve been hanging out with our family for any amount of time, you know how traumatic Jax’s birth day was for us. Last year, I struggled with some serious post-traumatic stress symptoms the week of his birthday. Because of that, I was already anxious about this year’s unexpected birthday “surprises.”

The brain tumor diagnosis was one hell of a surprise. It’s is a cloud in our lives right now. The timing of it is ridiculous. It’s easy to walk on the dark side and think of all the what-ifs. (For all of you trolls who are thinking – she should just be grateful for what she has – you can shut up. It’s possible to be grateful and scared at the same time.)

It’s a lot to handle.

But, tonight, as I reflect on the last two years and kiss my sweet son on his fluffy sun-bleached hair, it’s my intention to breathe hope, love, and light.

And tomorrow, when we are celebrating and giving thanks for his amazing life, I’ll do everything in my power to pretend that brain tumor doesn’t exist.

Tomorrow, we celebrate!

birthday boy

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Author: Andrea M

Oh man, what an adventure! I went into labor unexpectedly when I was 23w3d pregnant. Jaxson was born weighing 1 lb 8 oz. A tiny little peanut, but boy was he feisty. He still is! We love it now, but we probably won't when he is a teenager. I write about our journey and all other things that come with it, including a brain tumor. We look forward to "meeting" you - come hang out with us...we're pretty cool.

6 thoughts on “T’was the Night Before Two (Years Old)”

  1. Well said Andrea. Happy birthday little man. You’ve beat the odds so many times and I believe you will continue to do so….in a positive way. We have so much more to learn from you. Lots of love to you on your special day.

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  2. Being grateful and scared can definitely go hand in hand…..I think sometimes just trying to navigate being a Mom it is a feeling that becomes very familiar and not always friendly. The “what-ifs” can eat us alive and cause more stress. It is not helpful when trolls of all kinds dog us about our children, not always knowing first hand what you may be going through. Everyone deals differently, supporting each other by sending positive energy, prayers and lots of pixie dust 😉 can help.
    You keep breathing in life and marveling at all the new things that little guy learns and continues to teach you.
    Hope tomorrow is a wonderful day! Its supposed to be beautiful! Happy birthday Jax!!!!

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