I Know What I’ve Been Forgetting: It’s OK to Take a Break

Lately I’ve been feeling the grind. I’m tired all the time. I can’t remember the last time I got a haircut. My clothes are worn and old. I’ve gained some weight. Even though I have a million things to be thankful for, I sometimes have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.

Sometimes, I dread the day because the day seems just like the one before.

My mind is constantly chattering about therapy and doctor’s appointments, surgery scheduling, and what I should be doing to help Jax achieve his therapy goals. I feel guilty that I haven’t been keeping up on his brushing and compression therapy for his sensory processing issues. I wonder if our insurance paperwork was approved. I wonder if Jax’s lungs will ever be strong. I wonder if his developmental delay will follow him throughout his entire life.

I am trying to decide which part of my messy house needs to be cleaned and which messy parts can stay that way for just a little while longer. I don’t have anything to make for dinner.

How we will ever be able to save money for our future when we’re living paycheck to paycheck? I search for paid writing opportunities and then I second guess myself: would anyone even want to read my writing? I go to the pottery studio and I make things for other people.

Even though I do a lot of creative things, I rarely just let go and enjoy the moment. Worry, stress, and fear are always there, bubbling just below the surface.

I’ve been forgetting that it’s ok to take a break from worrying!

So, I sat down yesterday during naptime with the intention of being still. I had decided that I was going to focus on the present and do something I wanted to do, not something I had to do. So, I colored a picture.

trust yourself

The chores and stress and anxiety will always be there. But for now, I’m going to sharpen my yellow colored-pencil and make some more sunshine in my life. And maybe when I come back, the daily grind won’t seem so overwhelming.

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Author: Andrea M

Oh man, what an adventure! I went into labor unexpectedly when I was 23w3d pregnant. Jaxson was born weighing 1 lb 8 oz. A tiny little peanut, but boy was he feisty. He still is! We love it now, but we probably won't when he is a teenager. I write about our journey and all other things that come with it, including a brain tumor. We look forward to "meeting" you - come hang out with us...we're pretty cool.

6 thoughts on “I Know What I’ve Been Forgetting: It’s OK to Take a Break”

  1. In a container of CLEAN distilled water nothing happens. It’s in the MESSY swamp where the party is. Enjoy life, Living leaves a mess.
    Peace Randy

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  2. I know the feeling. When my Little Sis passed away, I moved in with her middle daughter, ASHLEA. ASHLEA is Developmentally Delayed, mildly retarded etc. After loosing her Mom, she went into a dark place. Today (4 yrs. later) she has blossomed into a charming and very talented young lady. She is in an art school for the disabled and doing very well. She has gone back to doing photography and is excelling. She is in Special Olympics and has made friends, learned new sports, and so many other attributes.
    THERE IS A WONDERFUL WORLD OUT THERE FOR JAX! You are on the absolute right track. Now think of you. It is something that all of us forget to do but is absolutely necessary. Besides, you are good at coloring. Love yourself too, wonderful lady.

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    1. Thank you for sharing, Kathy. You are an amazing aunt and caretaker for Ashlea. I’m so happy to hear she is doing so well in art school! I can’t wait to see some of her pictures!

      Like

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