Lately I’ve been feeling the grind. I’m tired all the time. I can’t remember the last time I got a haircut. My clothes are worn and old. I’ve gained some weight. Even though I have a million things to be thankful for, I sometimes have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.
Sometimes, I dread the day because the day seems just like the one before.
My mind is constantly chattering about therapy and doctor’s appointments, surgery scheduling, and what I should be doing to help Jax achieve his therapy goals. I feel guilty that I haven’t been keeping up on his brushing and compression therapy for his sensory processing issues. I wonder if our insurance paperwork was approved. I wonder if Jax’s lungs will ever be strong. I wonder if his developmental delay will follow him throughout his entire life.
I am trying to decide which part of my messy house needs to be cleaned and which messy parts can stay that way for just a little while longer. I don’t have anything to make for dinner.
How we will ever be able to save money for our future when we’re living paycheck to paycheck? I search for paid writing opportunities and then I second guess myself: would anyone even want to read my writing? I go to the pottery studio and I make things for other people.
Even though I do a lot of creative things, I rarely just let go and enjoy the moment. Worry, stress, and fear are always there, bubbling just below the surface.
I’ve been forgetting that it’s ok to take a break from worrying!
So, I sat down yesterday during naptime with the intention of being still. I had decided that I was going to focus on the present and do something I wanted to do, not something I had to do. So, I colored a picture.
The chores and stress and anxiety will always be there. But for now, I’m going to sharpen my yellow colored-pencil and make some more sunshine in my life. And maybe when I come back, the daily grind won’t seem so overwhelming.