We know exactly what to pack and what to expect once we get to the hospital. We should be used to this by now, right? But we’re not. No matter how many times we carry our son to the operating or MRI room, we’ll never get used to watching him go under anesthesia.
I’ll never get used to listening to his breath catch when the medicine hits his bloodstream. I’ll never get used to seeing the fear in his eyes. I’ll never get used to feeling his little body go limp in my arms and having a team of people rush to transfer him to the table.
I’ll never get used to leaving a part of my heart on the table when I have to walk out of the operating room doors without my son.
It all just seems so overwhelming sometimes, but we do our best to make things easier for Jax. It’s harder now that he is older and more aware. He woke up the other day and told me “I don’t want to go to the doctor, mom.” It’s sad for me that this is what he thinks of first thing in the morning! But he just makes the most of it, as usual. On Friday, he checked his reflexes with a spoon, grinned, and said “I doctor!”
Tomorrow, Jax will have his seventh surgery. The surgeon will be attempting to repair Jax’s hypospadias for the third time. Here’s hoping three times is a charm! Jax will also have an MRI to check on his brain tumor. This will be the sixth scan since we discovered the tumor last year. Unfortunately, we have to wait until Thursday to get the results of the brain MRI. That wait will be excruciating.
It will be a difficult morning tomorrow because Jax will have to skip breakfast, morning snack, and lunch – and that’s asking a lot from our little Hobbit. We bought him a new set of walkie talkies so we’re hoping we will be able to keep his mind off of food with some fun new hide and seek games.
As always, we’d very much appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers for a smooth and uneventful day tomorrow. Let’s all hit up the universe for some quick healing and a STABLE tumor, ok?
Our little dude is so strong and brave – much more so than his mama and daddy, that’s for sure!