Sorry I left you hanging, gang. I have noticed a pattern for me and hospital stays. During the hospital stay, I am Action Mom To The Rescue. After hospital stays, I am Tired and Depressed Mom On The Couch.
I’m mostly happy about this because it means I am 100% there for Jax when he needs me. I am able to be a strong advocate for his care and I am able to stay calm so I can comfort him when he is scared and in pain. Hospitals give me a dose of adrenaline, so it was physically no problem last week when I only got two hours of sleep at a time and no exercise.
This hospital stay was the worst one so far. Even worse than Jax’s NICU stay – seriously. There were so many triggers for me: my boy in the hospital, oxygen, helicopters, etc. Plus, Jax was very frightened and that tore at my heart. Everytime he woke up, he did so with a moan and a scared cry for “Mommy!” When the nurses had to hold him down for his five IVs, he pleaded with his eyes and screamed “Mommy – HELP ME!”
Now that we’ve been home, the adrenaline has worn off and I’ve finally had time to start processing what happened. Jax is three years old and he was hospitalized for six days because of a cold. I watched him turn blue and become non-responsive as his oxygen levels plummeted. Emotionally, I am still trying to wrap my head around this. I hate preemie lungs. Physically, the lack of sleep, nutrition, and exercise has caught up to me – I am exhausted.
Jax has been healing great, but he I can tell he’s still adjusting to being home. He thought we had moved to the hospital. He asked me one day “Mommy, where’s your new bed?” So when we got home, he ran to his toys and looked at his room but wasn’t sure what to think.
We decided to keep him home from school this week so he didn’t run the risk of catching something again. It was a good move. He’s been exhausted, too. He even chose laying in his bed over going outside to play! That’s how I know my little buddy needs some more time to recover!
So, we’ve just been taking it easy and doing a lot of snuggling. Maybe next week we’ll both feel better.