T’was the Night Before Two (Years Old)

Tomorrow, Jax turns two.

My sweet, funny, happy, and loving boy…I’m listening to him coo and cuddle with his stuffed animals as he snuggles into bed, getting comfy for the night.

Today, he learned to say “please” and “more” (in addition to the signs). Also this week: mango, good morning, ready-set-GO, swimming, Mia and Will (his cousins), and gramma.

I’m excited for his future.

And I’m also terrified.

If you’ve been hanging out with our family for any amount of time, you know how traumatic Jax’s birth day was for us. Last year, I struggled with some serious post-traumatic stress symptoms the week of his birthday. Because of that, I was already anxious about this year’s unexpected birthday “surprises.”

The brain tumor diagnosis was one hell of a surprise. It’s is a cloud in our lives right now. The timing of it is ridiculous. It’s easy to walk on the dark side and think of all the what-ifs. (For all of you trolls who are thinking – she should just be grateful for what she has – you can shut up. It’s possible to be grateful and scared at the same time.)

It’s a lot to handle.

But, tonight, as I reflect on the last two years and kiss my sweet son on his fluffy sun-bleached hair, it’s my intention to breathe hope, love, and light.

And tomorrow, when we are celebrating and giving thanks for his amazing life, I’ll do everything in my power to pretend that brain tumor doesn’t exist.

Tomorrow, we celebrate!

birthday boy