Wow – can you believe that it’s almost 2013? What an amazing year filled with ups and downs, sadness and joy, stress and relaxation, and most importantly friends, family, and Jax! Seriously, (I’m not sure how many times I can say this) how did we get so lucky?
Since the new year is a time for reflection, I’ve been allowing myself time to think about the events of Jax’s birth and NICU stay. I very often have nightmares about the day of his birth, of the helicopter ride, of being wheeled into the ER, of hearing the doctor frantically saying “It’s time – you must push NOW!” I dream of the beeps and alarms; of his heart rate drops and breathing spells. I dream of his tiny body being covered with wires and monitors. But even in my dreams, as terrifying as there are, I never doubt Jax’s ability to survive. Not once. I never considered that he might not make it out of the NICU. It was just never an option. Both Steve and I somehow knew, from the moment we realized that I was in labor, that things were going to be ok. We had a sense of peace even in the darkest and most difficult hours. We made sure that Jax felt our calm presence. We made sure that Jax knew what we knew: he was someone we believed in.
Every new year, I take time to reflect on things and appreciate my life. This year, I am honored to be Jax’s mom and Steve’s wife. I am thankful for our Guardian Angels. I am happy for the way Jax’s journey has gone. I am humbled to have such an incredible support system (you). I’m sad to be in RSV lockdown (I miss you guys!). I’m excited to see what 2013 brings for our family.
I always write down my goals for the year on New Year’s Eve. I use the same piece of paper from the year before so I can see how well I did throughout the previous year. Some years, I do better than others! I “only” accomplished three of my goals for 2012, but when I look at what they are, I think I did a pretty good job! I mean, come on…having a baby? That’s pretty significant! It’s been a good (?) year. One we will remember, that’s for sure!!
I wish you all the very best in 2013. My wish for you is peace with whatever life brings. My wish for you is to believe with all of your heart; don’t doubt yourself or others. Keep an open mind. Focus on the positive. Don’t take anything for granted. Be thankful. I know I am… Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being on this journey with us. Thank you for being part of our family. HAPPY NEW YEAR!